© Beth Witrogen

Confession: At my 10^th high school reunion, I gloated with other girls over how much weight the prom queen had gained and romances that had fizzled. I still felt inferior; we passed out business cards and promised to stay in touch. But we didn’t.

At my 40^th, the playing field had been leveled. Looks and career success didn’t matter so much when parents had died and spouses had left. We rejoiced in each others’ radiance and fell in love with the beauty of our maturing compassion. It didn’t matter who had been popular or athletic; we had mileage now. Like the Velveteen Rabbit, our fur had been rubbed off and we had become real

We were surprisingly happy and accepting of life, just as it is.

Welcome to the new midlife: common ground. Over time, our relationships thrust us into many roles – wife, lover, daughter, friend, boss, grandparent, confidante, widow, employee. By our 40s, we’ve stopped competing with other women and started creating community instead. We are well into building careers and families, looking ahead to fulfilling our dreams. We are more insightful as we sift through experiences with a newly independent mindset: We are beginning to truly know ourselves and find comfort in our own skins

And more ease in relating to other people’s experiences, because we know what it’s taken to make it this far. Whether we are suddenly summoned to care for an aging parent, graced by the birth of a grandchild, rewarded by the pinnacle of success, or betrayed by a lover, our experiences shape who we are. Each decade has its special needs and gifts, but whether it’s a passing smile between joggers or a lifetime friendship, every encounter enriches us.

At the end of the day, it’s all about relationship

Yet of all relationships we’ll ever have, the most enduring is the one with ourselves. Around 40, we begin to wonder just who it is looking out from behind these eyes. Often, we’re surprised by who we find. We discover the degree to which we either love or hate ourselves – our bodies (OK, our thighs), our minds (self-criticism), and our hearts (open or closed). We begin to truly own what it means to care for and to value ourselves, ready to explore the fullness life has to offer

I just bought a bag of carrots and celery; the checker was a young woman with Down Syndrome who glowed with kindness. To her mind, it did not matter that my skin shows wrinkles. That I’ve made some bad decisions in my life. That I carry wounds from the past

Circling 60, I get a chance to see the beauty in everyone. Nature never repeats herself: We are all as exquisite as snowflakes

I feel intimate with my own life through this relationship soup. Getting older teaches that life isn’t about being superior, but expressing our delicious uniqueness

What a gift.

Beth Witrogen (www.witrogen.com), a double Pulitzer Prize nominated writer, was most recently recognized for her book, “Caregiving: The Spiritual Journey of Love, Loss, and Renewal,” a uniquely inspired blend of advice based on personal growth and spiritually profound wisdom. A former newspaper journalist, she has written for magazines including Good Housekeeping, Self, and Family Circle and online sites such as WebMD, Consumer Health Interactive, and ThirdAge.com. She is currently at work on a book about women's renewal and sexuality at midlife. Ms. Witrogen resides in Northern California, and pursues her other passion as a professional photographer (www.witrogenphoto.com) and rock climbing. Send your questions to beth@smartnow.com.