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AnneGogh responded on July 20, 2008 Julie, most of us are never going to achieve the heights you did as CEO of a company. As just a little ol' freelancer, I hesitate to comment. Uncomfortableness aside, though, I just want to say that I was so touched by your transparency. I haven't been attacked publicly ever, but I've suffered from depression - just recently in fact. It helps a lot to hear personal stories, and it helped to read how you might have handled things differently regarding therapy and/or medication; things I'm debating now myself. So thank you for your valuable post, as I know it will bless others to read it, as it did me.

nancy-ocean responded on July 21, 2008 Dear Anne & Julie, I wanted to respond on behalf of the healing powers of beauty! Something in Julie drew (pardon the pun!) her to artwork during a very dark time in her journey. And later she stated that it's beauty that keeps her going - the more she sees the more she wants and the more she gets the better she feels. Beauty and creativity can be very powerful in our lives. And it doesn't surprise me that Julie was drawn to these naturally. Anne, maybe the artistic kinds of activities Julie used will support you well as you move beyond the depressive feelings you're dealing with. Walking in nature, along the beach, taking any kind of art class, sketching on blank pages with colored pencils or crayons, playing with clay, playing with color in any and all ways you can think of can be very healing, and perhaps more importantly, nurturing. Coming at a time when nurturing is probably what we need most! (Also, and this may sound silly, but simply turning up the corners of my mouth helps me tremendously! Not a full on smile - just the beginning suggestion of happiness - changes my perspective!) Hugs, Nancy

AnneGogh responded on August 4, 2008 Nancy, thanks so much for taking the time to offer some great ideas for using creativity to help with depression. Actually during this time I've found that my creative work has been the one thing that's brought me a lot of joy, and feel myself moving up to the surface from some murky waters. I don't have a lot of time to indulge in all the creative aspects I'd like to, but am going to try and carve in more time for some of the beauty in nature and other creative pursuits. Thank you again.

julie responded on August 2, 2008 Nancy, Thank you for your insights. Warmly, Julie

julie responded on July 20, 2008 Anne, Thank you for letting me know this. It's very vulnerable to be this open, but I did it because I hoped it would help at least one person.

chris responded on July 31, 2008 I don't normally comment on blogs, but this was a very insightful and transparent post. I could really feel that you were being open and honest with everything your wrote about. Thanks for sharing and goodluck with everything that you do.

julie responded on August 9, 2008 Thanks, Chris.

Wendy responded on July 30, 2008 Julie, If the only thing you'd written was how you moved on from mistake #2, it would've been worth it, but everything you shared here is inspiring. Thank you for having the courage to be so open, and for starting this website. I love what you're doing here. Keep it up!

julie responded on July 31, 2008 Thank you, Wendy.

hkremer responded on July 21, 2008 Please post (either on your site or on twitter) the tape of your KRON interview from this last weekend - I'd love to see it! Great site, count me in as a "member" of your "club!" Keep up the good work! ~H

julie responded on July 21, 2008 Thanks, I'll find the KRON tape, didnt know it was up.

julie responded on July 21, 2008 KRON tape is no where to be found. If anyone sees it, let me know. Thanks.

Just4Moi responded on July 23, 2008 You just saved me 6 months of therapy. I've been trying to find a blueprint to a new life for sometime. You made me realize I already have one. I need to believe in myself and shake off the negativity in my life: people, places and things. Thank you for sharing.

julie responded on July 23, 2008 One of the most inspiring things a dear friend of mine said to me during this period was, "I know things are tough for you, but I also know you have everything inside of yourself that you need to be whole and happy again." Those few words caused a shift in me. I think this applies to all. Thanks for posting this Just4Moi.

Dino responded on July 24, 2008 Dear Julie, Hope you remember me, I heard your name on the Saturday KRON 4 news but missed your interview. Hope your well and this website does wonderful for you. Best regards, Dino Vannoni

julie responded on July 24, 2008 DINO! How could I forget you! You are part of my childhood teenage memories. I'm sorry to say I lost touch with Tina. Are you in the Bay Area? Send me a note: Julie@smartnow.com. Let's talk.

pen responded on July 25, 2008 It is one of life's ironies that we can quickly announce the failure in others, but not in ourselves. You were buried in these pronouncements, yet managed to sort out those which were truly yours from those manufactured against you. You are a true inspiration. Be well.

julie responded on July 25, 2008 Thank you for your kind words.

Debbie responded on July 25, 2008 Julie Interesting comment about your high school years. Although you were certainly smart and pretty, I rememeber you most for your friendliness to shy girls like me. And yes I got over that shyness a long time ago. Good Luck with your new endeavor. Debbie (Skwiercz) Buckley

julie responded on July 25, 2008 Debbie, You are so sweet to write that. How are you? Where are you? How wonderful for you to remember that.

Girlfriendology responded on July 27, 2008 Julie - I'm so glad I found you (or you found me?!) on Twitter. It is so inspiring to read your honest, touching history. Thanks for sharing and for inspiring me and so many others. I am so sorry that people were rude to you and that you had to go through those dark years. Thanks for sharing your lessons with us all so we could understand you better as well as other people going through tough situations. Your story will remind me to look inside the person for their true self and potential. Again, so glad to have 'met' you! I look forward to interviewing you for a Girlfriendology Podcast. Thanks! Debba www.girlfriendology.com

julie responded on July 27, 2008 Debba, Thanks for posting. Looking forward to our podcast. Warmly, Julie

Pam responded on July 28, 2008 Jules, Thank you for your honest self-examination. I was amazed at how well you seemed to be, both physically and emotionally well, during the period immediately following the shattering of your two pillars. Your smile never wavered, at least when I saw you. You describe a state of mind a friend of mine calls suicide by accident. She once told me she can asses her state of mind by imagining she steps off a curb and then notices a speeding bus. If her imagined response is, "oh well," she knows she's in trouble. To the outside world, my friend always seems just fine. You and my nameless friend both might have benefited from deeper listening from your friends when you really needed it.

julie responded on July 28, 2008 Hi Pam, If only I was that aware in the moments of darkness... my hindsight is 20/20. My hope in writing this is to help others see in themselves what I couldn't and to offer some hope and perhaps tools for dog paddling out. thanks for the post,

hal responded on July 30, 2008 Hi, Julie. It's Hal. Mitch just forwarded this to me. Beautifull written, very courageous and honest piece. You've clearly moved beyond bullet points, to paragraphs. Chapters and books to follow as you continue the journey. You engaged my head and heart: a balance I continually seek as well. Cheers.

julie responded on August 2, 2008 Thank you, Hal.

t0pj responded on July 31, 2008 Came across your post courtesy of Hacker News [news.ycombinator.com]. "I had people laugh in my face when I introduced myself for years after the company closed." Julie, On behalf of everyone here at HN, you are welcome here anytime. You will have the last laugh, I'm sure. :)

julie responded on August 1, 2008 Thanks, Hacker News.

Ya Chun responded on July 31, 2008 Very nice insights. I've posted a pared down version on my blog, serenityjoy.blogspot.com

julie responded on August 1, 2008 Thank you Ya Chun.

pearl responded on August 1, 2008 Hi Julie, I've recently been in a position where I publicly failed too, after taking a lot of risks and perhaps (as you did) operating from an old engrained image of myself. Like you, I was always the "smart one," an older daughter, and similarly, in the software product management space. I could relate to a *lot* of what you wrote about. I really valued your roadmap here. I'm going to come back and re-read this, because I think it will help me shorten my path (hopefully). I think you should remember to honor your courage in taking those risks in the first place. If we don't try to walk, we will certainly never fly. Most people don't take those risks. For me, when I have a full life again, I will want to honor myself for that courage I exhibited, and I honor you for it too. Sometimes, the meaning of a huge fall-on-your-face failure is not actually clear. Why should we go through so much suffering? But I think somehow it hollows us out, and we live more fully afterwards. I hope that for both of us. Best, Pearl

julie responded on August 1, 2008 Pearl, Thank you. What a wonderful note. I honestly believe if an angel would have tapped me on the shoulder and said "You are really going to mess up and go into a dark place for awhile (and it will seem like forever and you won't see a way out), but then you will find a way out and you will be better. And, you will be able to help others immensely by knowledge of your own humanity and frailty. Will you take the journey?" Well, if I would have been given that option, I would have signed on without hesitation. Looks like I might have done so without knowing I had the option. I wish you the best! Warmly, Julie

anthonykuhn responded on August 1, 2008 I understand this site is mostly aimed a women, but I found it during a search for articles on innovation and business. I linked to your piece, Julie, in my blog for the Innovators-Network because your experiences and honesty are worth their weight in gold. I find that there are many who don't appreciate positivity, energy, and truthfulness these days, so your commitment to some of these values speaks to me and mine. Thank you for an insightful and revealing look at your path back to the good life.

julie responded on August 1, 2008 Thank you, Anthony. I will check out your site.

KareAnderson responded on August 1, 2008 I found you via Ben Casnocha - and what an apt post today from you! For all of us women who were raised to achieve, then let our head rule our heart - instead of engaging both... a habit that is slow to learn it seems yet is soooo nourishing. Echoing many others here I, too, appreciated your transparency and your clarity. Having two close friends die in the past three years and a biz partnership collapse I am coming out the other side a more appreciative person. That's one of the lessons. Over here in Sausalito I am going to keep on reading your posts, join smartnow... and tell others In a civilization when love is gone we turn to justice and when justice is gone we turn to power and when power is gone we turn to violence. Opportunity is often inconvenient. Remember the many compartments of the heart, the seed of what is possible. So much of who we are is defined by the places we hold for each other. For it is not our ingenuity that sets us apart, but our capacity for love, the possibility our way will be lit by grace. Our hearts prisms, chiseling out the colors of pure light.

cassiph responded on May 5, 2009 "For all of us women who were raised to achieve, then let our head rule our heart - instead of engaging both" Oh man, am I still doing that. Im technically not yet in the age range for this site (25), but I just stumbled onto it and will definitely be reading more in it. I haven't learned how to balance my heart and head, and it's only just begun to bother me (though I couldn't figure out just what it was until I read that.) So thank you all, for letting me know that it can stay fun and youthful, that things may go down, but they do go back up. And that everything can prepare you for the next step, if you just approach it the right way.

julie responded on August 1, 2008 Wow, Kare, you are extremely poetic in your writing. My heart goes out to you for your losses. And, thank you for your loving post. Warmly, Julie

longhornkate responded on August 1, 2008 Thank you so much. This is one of the best blogs I've read in a long time.

julie responded on August 2, 2008 thank you, longhornkate!

Rick Segal responded on August 1, 2008 Julie, I'm a Venture Capitalist here in Toronto Canada. I've given a number of talks about so-called 'failure' as well as mentioning the importance of failure on my blog. Funny enough, last month, I mentioned you, your history, and your current company, in talk I gave at one of Biz Schools here. I said "I would fund this women in a second because she has 360 degrees of experience, knows the drill and is a wealth of talent" Your post was forwarded to me by another VC who thinks like I do. I forwarded your post two my 20 something year old daughters with the following note: "Besides your Mom, here is a role model. Read this, print it out, save it. xoxo Dad" Best of luck with the new gig. >R< Rick Segal, Partner JLA Ventures & Blackberry Partners Fund P.S. Tell your technical people the zip code space doesn't accept non-US data which means people, like me, are putting in bogus zip codes, diluting your reporting value. Sorry, I'm a geek at heart.

julie responded on August 1, 2008 Rick, Thank you for your post. We are out raising money, so you know I'll be in touch soon, if I don't hear from you. I'm at Julie@smartnow.com. Best, Julie

aziz responded on August 1, 2008 Honest and straight from the heart. I heard you speak on the only SVASE panel that I attended during my time last year in San Francisco. You were good. You sat next to a former entrepreneur and VC, Skip Glass, and another hardworking entrepreneur, Jonathan Cobb (Kiptronic). I'd been desperately trying to raise funding after I graduated from my MBA program in Boston, loaded with deferred and accumulating debt and filled with resentment for VCs and angels, because I could not get anyone to even listen to my pitch, since I had no former reputation. I knew then that my company was/is the best internet opportunity around and it would become successful, if only I could convince some investor to give me a shot. The trouble was that I was seeking justification for myself and my idea, through investment. I had/have a big ego/"head" that was/is pushing me onward, as I perceived failure on a daily basis. We all read the headlines from TechCrunch when a company raises a round, but it turns out that investors don't justify our businesses. They mitigate their risk by finding already justified businesses, totally understandable. It wasn't until I began to listen to my "heart", (out of desperation), that I was able to understand what I was doing wrong. I had no technical talent to do what I was proposing. I was a guy with an idea and a crap website. That is not a business. So I did what I had dreaded before: I interviewed 200 craigslist applicants, and partnered with a superbly talented CTO. Since we had no developed product yet, I stopped looking for A Round funding, seeking alternative incubators and angels. Guess what? Within two days of signing away a portion of my business to my partner, (vested of course), we got seed funding from the first incubator I contacted and relocated to an incredible incubator, TechStars, in Boulder, CO. We're at the end of our tenure here, have built a terrific product, built out our team a bit, and are about to secure investment until our next round. This doesn't mean it's all roses and candy, far from it. We have at least a 3-5 year war we're instigating with a new technology application that I dreamed up long ago, but you know what? I'm only ready now, after going through the cycle: embarrassment, humiliation, desperation, reflection, concentration, and salvation. Thank you for posting this. It resonates within.

julie responded on August 1, 2008 AZIZ! Congratulations. Wow. You are really going to set the world on fire now. I can feel it. And, better yet, you will be one wise, wonderful soul. Actually you are. Yeah. Very happy for you. Please keep me apprised of your progress. I'm officially in your fan club now. Warmly, Julie

aziz responded on August 5, 2008 Thank you Julie. I will keep you updated with my progress, and I wish you happiness in your life.

EdShaz/IntegrityHQ responded on August 1, 2008 Will you marry me? In seriousness, I have printed your piece, and will share it with family, and friends, especially the youths. I often share a similar, (albeit humble compared to yours), life narrative. But was burning out of inspiration. Your generous revelation was right on time. I thank you. ~Ed

julie responded on August 2, 2008 Thanks for the note, Ed. I appreciate all. As for the marriage proposal-well, I haven't even used online dating services, making the leap for marriage via email feels like trying to jump across the Grand Canyon..at least right now ;)

ghennipher responded on August 1, 2008 What a truly beautiful and insightful article. I relate to this on so many levels, as many of us who have ventured into starting our own businesses can. Thank you for offering such a personal view into your path to happiness. This is one of the most important blog posts I've ever read about moving on and choosing success and happiness despite past mistakes. Best wishes to you.

julie responded on August 2, 2008 Thank you for the wishes. Back at you, as Ellen would say.

VincentWright responded on August 1, 2008 Wow, wow, wow, wow, WOW, Julie!! Some of those wows are for your story. Some of the wows are kudos for you, your inner strength, and your writing/storytelling ability. But, some of those wows are for the serendipity which brings other readers and me to hear about your story, Julie. (I saw your story referred to by one of my followers on Twitter.com) I can't quite put the importance of your story into words but, for now, please let me simply say "Thank you!" for sharing this. I believe it will encourage many of us to take one more deep breath and try to fix ourselves one more time.

julie responded on August 2, 2008 thank you.

MikeS responded on August 1, 2008 Nice article, and your self honesty got my attention. There are positives and negatives in everything. "The heart" is never wrong. What makes it seem like it can be wrong is that our ability to listen, to feel, to just hook-up with all the stuff around us is often weak. Everything we need is always around us. We don't see it. If we get an inkling, we don't fully trust it. But it's always there...the right things, the needed things. Always. Have to see it, see it often enough to begin to trust what you see and feel. That's tough. I know. But you are well on your way. Good luck as you move forward.

julie responded on August 2, 2008 Thank you, I'm touched. I've more questions come to me about the heart part..and all of those (I think) were from men. It is hard to separate head from heart-thank you for this post.

rachel responded on August 1, 2008 Julie...I believe strongly that what you need, you will find and tonite that was shown to me. Recently I suffered losses in the workforce (no where near comparable to yours) that hit me very hard. I'm a 29 year old executive who thought she had reached her goals only to be quickly and strongly reminded that you can never stop trying. I am slowly building myself up and feel so rejuvenated after reading your letter. I don't have to give up and I can be more than I was before. I don't have to listen to what people say becuase the know only a portion of who I am. Thank you for your brilliance and for being so brave in stepping out to support those around you. - rachel

julie responded on August 2, 2008 Rachel- Good luck and if I can be of help or support, let me know. You can reach me at: Julie@smartnow.com. Warmly, Julie

MikeSchinkel responded on August 1, 2008 Wow. I've often thought of Pets.com as the poster child for the lack of vision of the dotcom era but never had a put a face or a personality to it. I definitely have a much different (better) impression now. Your courage and the quality of your thought and your writing shine through. That said, your story is oh-so similar to mine albeit my failure was not nearly as visible as your. At one point everyone in our industry knew our name (and mine) and we were recognized by a leading business magazine for our success. But now I'm in that rebuilding process and have been for several years. It's actually a lot harder at 45 to reinvent oneself than it is to invest oneself at 20-something. Hopefully I will be able to look back in a few years and have a similar positive outcome from my situation. Anyway, good luck to you. Oh, and don't define yourself too much; you seem to be not only smart but also pretty.

julie responded on August 2, 2008 Hi there, It is harder to build in your forties...because the risks seem to be more real and the financial demands are real. And, it can be easy to lose the wonder and enthusiasm that can manifest a truly great business. If I can be of support to you at all, happy to do so.

nelking responded on August 2, 2008 I stumbled upon your post from Twitter. I must admit, I frequently refer to Pets.com as an example of those wild ideas that we all thought were great. So many people were caught up in the hype. It's easy to pretend now that we knew better. Thanks for putting the human face to it all and sharing your lessons. I think your article is one I can share with others who are going through a sever career change. I look forward to seeing how things develop for you.

julie responded on August 2, 2008 thank you for the note.

askpatty responded on August 2, 2008 Great post and I can really relate. As CEO/President of www.askpatty.com I have to have talks with myself daily to remind myself ..YES I can do this! This is posted on my desk: "You gain strength , courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...You must do the thing you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt Hope your new business is a smash hit! Jody DeVere CEO/President www.AskPatty.com

julie responded on August 2, 2008 Hi Jody, Went up to your site. I love the service you are providing. We have to work together on some level. Thanks for the direct email, too. Will be in touch soon.

ravi responded on August 2, 2008 Julie, you proved to be a very successful person and professional in all aspects of your career. Problems do exist and they manifest when time is fit but you showed courage to fight the odds and pull through. You had the initiative that most people will never have due to their lack of self esteem. You have been very fortunate to have had a position as a CEO and to have come up with wonderful websites. You are a total success. Continue doing what you do because it is working for everyone. God Bless You, Ravi.

julie responded on August 2, 2008 Ravi, Thank you so much. You are such a generous soul. Warmly, Julie

ADCastillo responded on August 2, 2008 Julie....I can relate to your life story on many different levels. I am in my mid 30's, going through a bit of a depression, trying to start a new business and raising 3 kids. I have spent many sleepless nights lately contemplating my life, goals, past and future. It is horrifying to look back at the numerous mistakes and failures that have marked my adult life until now. It seems that trying to reinvent yourself, especially when there are others depending on you, is not a simple task. Nevertheless, I feel that I must take stock of my life and make it what I want it to be from this point forward. After all, if I don't - who will? Your article has inspired me to keep forging ahead, no matter how difficult it can be some days...thanks!

julie responded on August 2, 2008 AD, You and your courage inspire me. Let me know if I can ever help you. Not sure what I can do..plus as my friend said to me and now I'll say to you, 'you have all you need inside of you to be happy and successful, you just need to listen to your own spirit.' Good luck and please let me know how you are doing, Julie

jamesthewitch responded on August 2, 2008 Thanks so much for sharing, Julie. I really appreciate your candor and your openness about learning from life's "mistakes". A great article written from a learning-wisdom perspective!

julie responded on August 2, 2008 Thanks, James.

Alex Birch responded on August 2, 2008 This was a very powerful, poignant introspection. I appreciate your advice, even if I'm a 31 year old male. PS Your site's design is absolutely amazing!!!

julie responded on August 2, 2008 Thanks, Alex.

francine responded on August 2, 2008 Whatever your next venture is, i'm in! There is no true success without what you have been through. I'm so proud that you are a woman, you have the courage to express this, and you have the courage also to express your personal failures. I wrote a book about my own failure, which happened to be in foster parenting. Believe me, the feelings aren't any different that those surrounding business failure (I have had both). Oh, and Ive had a bunch of failed marriages, too. Now I look at them as necessary pieces of a long and happy life, but at the time...namaste

julie responded on August 2, 2008 Francine, Thank you for sharing. Here's to really living, Julie

Baeocystin responded on August 2, 2008 Hi Julie. Do you want to know what I remember most about pets.com? I remember that you managed to find a way to donate your warehoused supply of dog/cat/pet food to local animal shelters before running out of money, instead of letting it rot while the bankruptcy worked its way through. And I remember being very impressed. Not many people, or companies, would have taken the time to do something like that. At the time, I didn't know enough about the company to know you were the CEO, but I made a mental note to mention this little story if I ever met someone who worked at pets.com. And here you are, so here you go; hopefully a happy memory from that time. :) Robert

julie responded on August 3, 2008 Wow, I can't believe you know that story. I received a letter from the Governor of Alaska thanking me for helping save sled dogs lives. It meant so much to me. Also, just to set the record straight, I actually shut the company down with a net positive worth and returned money to the shareholders because I knew the bubble had burst and did not want to run to bankruptcy. That was never reported correctly by the press. But, my investors and my board knew it to be true. The first time in the history of Nasdaq that has ever been done..not a first I wanted. Thanks you so much for bringing the dog story to light and also giving me an opportunity to talk about it again.

Baeocystin responded on August 4, 2008 Hopefully I'll serve as a reminder that people remember the good things, too, even if the critics of the world have the loudest crow. And no, I didn't realize that you shut the company down while there was still some capital available. The local papers only reported it as a bankruptcy. It only makes me more impressed with you, though. I understand that may not be a first you wanted, but think about what you're saying-- you saw the writing on the wall, and did the ethical thing instead of dragging it out. No other company in similar circumstance had done so previously? If I were in your shoes, I would be very proud of myself for having the cajones to do so. I hope you do, too.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Thanks again.

Nick responded on August 3, 2008 Hi Julie, Thank you so much for your story. My story is very, very similar to yours, however I actually did loose EVERYTHING (other than my beautiful bride of 18 years). We lost our real estate business, our savings and my 401K, and because we personally financed our company (Sub chapter S Corp) we also lost over $250,000 in personal funds. Now, because we have no business we have no income. Because we have defaulted on several unsecured loans, our joint credit has been destroyed. our insurance rates are up, and we both have been declined for all forms of credit. I have applied for several high end jobs, but my potential employers have refused to hire me because of my "Poor Credit History". We were evicted from our small two room apartment in Chandler, Arizona, and our only car was repossessed. Thanks for the generosity of my father, my wife and I are living in a trailer in a trailer park in Mesa, Arizona. Our failure happened about 3 years ago. YES, I have contemplated suicide... so has my wife. We need therapy, but we lost our insurance when we lost our business, and $120/hr for therapy is totally out of the question. We would love to have some time to just paint or have some time to get ourselves together, but we have bills to pay and we need income. Not "Wal-Mart" income, we need CEO income. Our attorney told us that bankruptcy isn't the best solution for us in our particular, and rather complicated, situation. Julie, How did you get the resources to "Start Over"? We would love to start over but we have no financial resources and each and every employer I have attempted to work for has told me that I am "Over Qualified" for their position. I have attempted to get lesser paying "jobs" but when they see my resume and note that I have been a president and CEO of a corporation, they seem to think that I am "padding" my resume to make myself look better than I really am. I actually got turned down from an $12.00/hr job last week! Any direction from anyone would be GREATLY appreciated! We'll move anywhere in the world for a new start. YES... ANYWHERE in the world! This is our last call out to the Universe for some help! After two years, we have absolutely no more Ideas left. We are totally at the end of our rope. LITERALLY! Times are tough... REALLY tough. This IS our "Last Call", Nick & Robin PS We'll check back every day on this board to see if anyone has left any information or insight for us.

IMP responded on October 30, 2008 I have a clever sister married to a remarkable gifted man who constantly fails in business (mostly partners doing stupid things). But she has found relocation and new jobs possible only by "dumbing down" her resume to get in the door. She then astonishes them by her expertise and rises quickly. This option may be your best bet. She tells me to NEVER tell anyone in the new jobs your real history ... SHOW them your real abilities! Good luck.

pen responded on August 5, 2008 i would love to know why your attorney said you are not a candidate for bankruptcy. i just went through it. YOU are poster children for bankruptcy. let me know if you want to discuss.

julie responded on August 3, 2008 Nick and Robin, Send me your email at: julie@smartnow.com and let's start a dialogue. Let me see how I can help. I am so sorry for your loss, but don't give up. There is a way out, it might not be clear right now, but there is one. And, I might not have the answers, but there is someone who does and I will help. Sincerely, Julie

sigmawaite responded on August 3, 2008 Ms. Wainwright, I can suggest another approach: By analogy if going to fly across the Atlantic, then need to be quite sure of the planning and engineering or risk getting cold, wet, and maybe dead. Then I would say that the causes of your difficulties were merely in planning and engineering. This does not necessarily mean that you were was at 'fault': Sometimes are in a hurry and just tie it together with wire and glue, takeoff, and hope, and that's a large club. Sometimes that works, and that's a smaller club. If wire and glue are what you had in mind, then you should have no struggles with bad feelings and troubling questions. Otherwise, you just needed better planning and/or engineering, may want to do this the next time, and that's a large club. Or, "measure twice and saw once.". For more on the analogy, during the flight have good charts, do good navigation, and use instruments, radio, and radar. Before the flight, have alternate destinations, reserve fuel, redundant equipment, life rafts, etc. Aviation learned these lessons the hard way, and they are good lessons. Generally, if stay anonymous, then the world is not thinking about you, is indifferent to you, is not working against you, and is just often challenging. Make a good attack on the challenges and can expect to win. Otherwise might get lucky and still win. If fail, then should address indifferent external reality or the possibly non-objective opinions of other people? That is, primarily facing reality or people?

Mahesh responded on August 3, 2008 Hi Julie I am touched by your story. I am going thru a kind of phase myself where I am scared and fear the future which I do not know. Reading an inspirational story like yours gives hope that life is not all that what we may have framed. There is something beyond it. Thanks you once again and I wish you the very best. Regards, Mahesh

julie responded on August 3, 2008 Thank you and good luck to you.

miriam responded on August 3, 2008 Julie - I am forwarding this post to everyone I know - from my new life! I went through a business failure (evil business partner); a divorce and the same sort of mind-numbing depression you went through. I had to really find out who I was and what made me happy (I was a medical illustrator) and STILL support myself. Would that ever be possible I asked myself? It is about 7 years from the business failure and 15 since the divorce and not only am I happy, I am thriving. I get up every day at dawn and fall asleep every night tired! I want to live and now can't even believe all I wanted to do was stop living. Passive death I called it. I did get rid of toxic people in my life; cut back on expensive diversions and created a life that will keep me learning and challenged and self-supporting and happy. I am doing things I never thought I would do. I won a business called MissPoop where i pick up dog waste and from there I went back to school (in my 50's) for a degree in Canine Behavioral Studies and started another business called MissBehave - Training Your Dog's Best Friend's. I draw and write and see my friends a few times a week. I am in a relationship that suits me with love and friendship and I have some great dogs in my life! I work hard but I laugh a lot. I too was defined by who I was and now I love being me, although a lot of people think my name is MissPoop. I am so happy for you and the rest of us who do make it to the other side of that very dark cloud. I look forward to reading your blogs a lot. Warmly, Miriam

julie responded on August 3, 2008 Miriam, I love this post. Thank you. I love that you embrace both art and dogs. Two of my favorite things. Warmly, Julie

Nick responded on August 3, 2008 Beautiful Inspiration! Thank You!

miriam responded on August 3, 2008 oops - I meant to say I own a business called MissPoop. I certainly didn't win it! : )

avilbeckford responded on August 3, 2008 Julie, I appreciated your honestly. Most successful people have failed, but they evaluated their failures and learned the lessons. Many people will learn from your story. Sometimes our old self has to die for complete rebirth. Remember, the best is yet to come.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Thank you for your kind note.

Eric responded on August 3, 2008 Julie, Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you are doing better. I have depression and know how difficult it can be. I hope you do look fondly upon your Pets.com era. You helped create something that is indicative of a major part of our national history. I can imagine history books that would show that sock puppet when they talk about the Dot Com Boom. Not too many people can say they had such an enduring legacy. Eric

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Thanks, Eric.

pseudojoe responded on August 3, 2008 julie, thanks for being so honest and brave enough to put "it" out there for the rest of us to read.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 thank you.

ivee responded on August 3, 2008 Hi Julie Life teaches us all the same lesson: YOU are the main character in your own life movie! ALL comes fm you! So nobody else knows what you feel, except you! Therefore that was your main lesson: you need to trust in yourself in order to be able to trust others, that also works with love, confidence, awareness, etc. Whenever somebody tells you, that you are a loser, then that is NEVER meant personally (as you noticed), it is always their mirror which's reflection they would like to put on you. So never take anything personally. BTW: that is all written in a book: it is called, the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I am truly grateful that I have read it. It helped me a lot... I am also 45 and have to struggle real hard to get a new job. But I know who I am and what I am capable of and I am convinced that this waiting will lead to a happy end. The lesson out of this is confidence in myself and patience. SMILE T/C I do believe in YOU and YOUR abilities! When we are on zero we can only move up... Ivee

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Yes, that is the big lesson. Thanks for adding a book on this, it will help many I am sure.

sdipietr responded on August 3, 2008 Thank you and congratulations for the honesty. We all contemplate failure and whether we would survive. The question I most struggle with is whether I should 'stick it out' or face the unknown.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 I think overcoming fear is so hard. It is an unconscious driver in so many decisions. But, honestly, the bigger fear is what if one doesn't take a chance, then what? Well, then, you will stay as you are and worse case begrudge others who have taken chances and succeeded (and most likely fell on their faces a few times along the way). Good luck to you.

justin-seibert responded on August 3, 2008 Julie - how great of you to share this with everyone. It takes a lot of courage, which is probably why you've had and continue to have success. Thank you.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 thank you.

Pat responded on August 3, 2008 Julie, Thank you for sharing your story. It is so inspiring and makes me remember the darker memories in my life.Thank God I was strong enough to hang onto everything that meant so much to me and now, 20 years later my life is full of love and laughter. What scares me sometimes, is remembering those dark years, and the what-if's, perhaps those are my own reality checks not to take life &/or love for granted. Time heals hearts and souls. Pat

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Wow, good for you. I'm very happy for you.

James responded on August 3, 2008 I admire you in many ways. I'm 21 and have an extreme fear of failure that dominates relationships and career choices. Before i came to this page i thought that listening to that fear would prevent me from having a lot of problems, but after reading your post i think i see that it could be stopping me from bettering myself much more than it's helping me. Good luck with future endeavors.

Bob responded on August 6, 2008 James, I've been doing the same thing for much to long: failing to live up to my potential out of fear of failure.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 James, Good luck and get out there! You have so much in front of you. Best wishes to you, Julie

christal e responded on August 3, 2008 Your words have been an inspiration to me today, thank you so much.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Thank you,

Elithera responded on August 3, 2008 Dear Julie, Your article is truly encouraging and inspiring. Like others who've posted comments, I've suffered for depression, for most of my life. Sometimes I just feel apathetic for months on end, and have no idea how to jumpstart myself, even though I've been through these episodes before. Reading your article has been a wakeup call for me, and I even printed it out for my own "board." But the fact is that a lot of depressed people feel like failures, even if their failure isn't as public as yours. Reading your First Mistake reminded me that I don't have to believe (even) my own thoughts, and to count my blessings. Also, I hope you are not beating yourself up too much what you mentioned in your fourth mistake--not getting help. Many depressed people find it hard to move, let alone have the energy to get help. The second time I went through a major depressive episode it took me a year from the time my downward spiral began to where I finally got help and medication. And, I hope you don't let those comments from strangers who call you the "best-known failure" bother you. Quite frankly, there have been quite a number of people/events in history that have been failures--Napoleon I (the invasion of Russia was a disaster) being a very famous example; The Hindenburg; the Titanic--I could go on and on. A rhetorical question you can ask yourself, now that you're out of your depression: How does your failure stack up to this? Plus, I'm sure among the people who actually know you, you're not a failure. Anyways, keep up the good work. You're an inspiration. As my father always says, "Be good to yourself."

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Thank you for your advice and comments. No, I'm not beating myself up about not getting help. I honestly didn't see that I was depressed and my view of depression was narrow. I thought depressed people couldn't function in day-to-day activities and some can't. But I could. I got up, exercised, socialized and just did things every day. But I was unable to enjoy anything and preferred to be alone. I forced myself to be out and about and then would climb into bed and well...anyway, my hope in writing about it is that it would help others if they saw themselves in my writing. And, many have dropped me a note. So that is a real blessing.

Judy Vorfeld responded on August 3, 2008 Powerful words, Julie. You are wonderfully transparent. And just when I thought I had come to grips with some issues earlier in my life, you came along and showed me that I needed to review them and come to a different conclusion. By now you know that your openness has paved the way for many people to kick into gear and grow some more. I love that you're not perfect. You've helped many of us appreciate life more, and yearn to live it more fully and more honestly. With grace.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Thank you for your kind comments.

Lapietra responded on August 4, 2008 Julie - Thank you so much for this - I am currently struggling with many life-transitional things myself - the big one is watching my dreams and expectations for a long-hoped-for career in music fade to a necessarily much smaller, less ambitious scope - and many other things associated with aging. What you share helped me focus some more, as I try to do, on the positive things I'm experiencing that make my life so worthwhile, and I feel encouraged to continue to do this. It is not easy to learn not to let others define you - it seems to happen especially when you have thrown everything you know to throw into achieving a goal and are not successful - it seems that some people, even those you think care about you, take pleasure in labeling you a failure. I suppose it's an easy way to find out who your friends really are! and who to avoid or let go. It says more about them than it does you! I'm so happy to have found your post. Thanks again.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 You are so welcome. And, yes, you do see who your real friends are when times are tough. I went from many wanting to know me to nothing. I was even dropped as a 'potential' chairperson of a fundraiser for a wildlife organization. I couldn't believe it, but i think it is human nature. We treat failure as it is a contagious disease and run from it. What I have learned from all of you in this post is that by opening up and not protecting, amazing things happen. Thanks,

Anon responded on August 4, 2008 My ideal type of person. One who understands failure. One who has rebuilt their self and will from scratch.

Anon responded on August 4, 2008 Admitting and understanding your mistakes. Realizing that your mistakes of the past are not necessarily going to be your worst yet. Building your strength and your self from the person that you are, as opposed to the person that is perceived. Your new attitude is the correct one. I would bet on you without hesitation

carpeweb responded on August 4, 2008 Make Up Your Mind! 1) You are the female incarnation of Stuart Smalley. Hapless but plucky, refusing to believe you are the failure that you claim to be. 2) You are the quintessential Fortune 500 / Venture CEO. I read your post, and I believe #1. I read your bio, which you attach to your post, and I believe #2. Please. I think you just peed on my leg, told me it was raining, and then asked me to join your cult. Note to those who identified with Profile 1 and responded by shouting 'hallelujah' and spinning in the aisle: read Profile 2; pause; say 'ooops'.

Beautiful Florida responded on August 4, 2008 It sounds like she's both. Why does it have to be one or the other? I'm sorry that you're seeing it so black and white.

Jack responded on August 4, 2008 Thanks so much for sharing such personal details of your life with us. As someone who's just barely about to start out in the business world, it's actually very encouraging to read your letter here. Business can clearly be a very risky and scary place, but it's good to know that with some perseverance there is life after difficulties. You're a strong and wonderful person, and I look forward to reading about your future successes!

julie responded on August 4, 2008 thanks, Jack.

Patti C. responded on August 4, 2008 Julie, What a powerful and so timely a message! I too, have never posted on a blog. I was so moved by your words and your brutal honesty about your journey that I had to, just had to write to you. Thank you for your amazing honesty and vulnerability. Just to read your words and hear how you made it out on the other side will help not only me but countless others that can relate to what you have gone though, survived and have thrived. I relate to the depression and the child issue on such a huge level and even though things are still the same financially (actually they are alot worse), I am still doing what I need to do to move forward. It is not with the grace and dignity of what people like to hear, but it's my experience, my lesson, my time to box with the heavens. You reminded me of a very important lesson that I has become my mantra... I am not my stuff, or my job or your opinion of me. Bottom line no matter what, I am a divine child of God, who is loved no matter what I do, no matter what. And, who taught me those lessons? The children in my life and my family who parroted back to me what I have been saying to them for years. Why do I love you? Just because. For a self proclaimed geek with a personality, the other side of my brain has been beckoning to me and I am in the process of writing a book about modern day leaders. I know that you must be extremely busy, but I would be honored if I could interview you for this project. You are a true leader in my opinion whose story can and will help so many now and to pass the baton on to the next generation. Again, thank you for such honesty and courage for putting yourself out there as you have. I am so grateful that I read this and will pass this on. All the best to you, Patti

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Please email me at: Julie@smartnow.com. I'd be happy to set up a time to talk.

Dogwood responded on August 4, 2008 Julie, You have described mistakes many of us who have lived for a while have made and you have affected me in a profound way. You are a truly remarkable person. Thank you.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Thank you.

bnairuni responded on August 4, 2008 Julie, I admire you for having the guts to be a CEO of a multi-million dollar company, even if it did go bust. I would bet, the people who have laughed in your face, never had the guts to lead anything. My dad, failed many times in his life at various "jobs", but his last adventure was the most successful. As the great Dori (Nemo movie) said, "Just keep swimming". Brent

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Thanks!

LindyC responded on August 4, 2008 Thank you so very much for sharing this story on your website. I'm 39 years old about to turn 40 and I find myself trying to redefine my life again. I had a very successful career in finance but have never been able to find balance with my career and my personal life. I'm realizing I was putting too much stock in who I was in my career and allowing that to be me. I don't know if this would constitute a midlife crisis since I'm only 39 but I just find myself wanting to be more than just work. Your article helps put in perspective all the things I'm realizing about myself too. Thank you.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 You are so welcome. I'm overwhelmed by the kindness here. Thank you.

gpham responded on August 4, 2008 This is a wonderful post. I feel that your public "failure" and how you've come to these conclusions will help many more people deal with their own struggles with personal self worth. I believe that you posting this is a greater success than any multimillion dollar company, and shows the power of the human spirit! I really needed to see this post today, and I thank you for being strong enough for all of us. Many people would've just gave up, but you did the strongest thing possible... which is to pick yourself back up. Thanks again!

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Thank you.

coad responded on August 4, 2008 I love this article!! these mistakes define what I was growing up. Always pleasing other people instead of finding out who I really am. And now I am in the process of making a difference in my life. Thank you for writing this article because even though I am taking the next steps into making my life more successful, I still get those down times and reading this really put my mind back to where I want to be.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 You are welcome. Thank you for sharing this.

Chris M responded on August 4, 2008 As you can see your certainly not alone, my wings failed me about a year or two after yours. Certainly not to such public scrutiny but in a small circle it's as hard to escape as holding a bitter name in the business village. I'm rolling out too, being conscious to build up a bit of pressure for that last little bit. Depression is like trying to get over mountain of marbles. At first you try to power through but you do nothing but sink deeper. You slap punch and kick yourself out, every ounce of strength seems spent in the effort but in reality you had spent it before you even started. You have to accept the situation and understand it before you can get out. You learn patience, balance and how to keep a constant sane motion. Congratulations crossing, I'll be there shortly. Maybe there's something to that 7 year cycle.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Good luck to you. Thank you for the post.

Jeff responded on August 4, 2008 Julie: Per your request, here is a sample of successful people who have failed (in most cases, multiple times) but who learned that there's no way to BE successful if you don't at least put yourself out there to fail. Thomas Edison - 9000 failed experiments before creating the light bulb Abraham Lincoln - 8 political failures before election to his Presidency Walt Disney (my personal favorite) - bankruptcy didn't stop him from borrowing money from his brother to start The Walt Disney Company John Grisham - first novel rejected by 16 agents and 12 publishing houses Henry Ford - his first two car companies failed Akio Morita (Sony Corporation founder) - first product was an electric rice cooker that only sold 100 units because it burned the rice Heck, there are even a few great videos on failure: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6hz_s2XIAU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szc&NR=1 But don't stop with these. Do a google search on "famous failures" - the lists you find will absolutely astound! :) ~Jeff

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Thanks, Jeff!

TravisG responded on August 4, 2008 Thank you so much for your inspirational post! It brought tears to my eyes. We truly need more people like you in the world. Not just people who have failed and learned from their mistakes, but those who can admit them and share them publicly with others. Thank you!

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Thank you for your kindness.

albuquirky responded on August 4, 2008 Last night I watched a video from TED in which the former president of the American Psychological Association, Dr. Martin Seligman, outlined the findings of the positive psychology movement. He spoke about how pleasure, flow experiences, and meaning -- in that sequence -- are the aspects of our lives that most relate to satisfaction and happiness. Your life shows evidence of all three. Your recent path from depression to re-engagement seems to indicate that you are getting these three factors into a healthy balance again. Thanks for sharing your honest self-reflection. The video I mentioned is at http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/martin_seligman_on_the_state_of_psychology.html

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Thank you for sharing this video. I'm familiar with his work and am always excited to see science proving what many know in their hearts.

Johnny responded on August 4, 2008 Hi, Julie. Thanks for posting your story. In a TINY way, it comforted me to read it. My marriage of 8 years recently ended. Some of your comments struck a chord with me. I wander around an empty house, thinking of all the things I did wrong. I liked the idea of being married- now that she's gone, I feel like 'damaged goods' I've never cried so much in my life. The smallest things just make you go to pieces. I work 70 hours a week just so I won't be home. Part of me hates her and part of me worries if she's okay. I can't say I never thought of suicide- but that's not my way, either. And I SO feel no concern as to whether I live. Right now, I'm barely alive inside, anyway. Your comments on that facet perfectly mirrored my outlook. Only I can work through this, but it was 'nice' to see someone voice a commonality with me and what I'm going through. Oh, and by-the-way, OUR family business (photography) evaporated with my wife's departure. We mirror each other more than you know. Thanks for demonstrating to me on an idle Monday afternoon that I may not be walking a path totally unique and forever in solitude.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Divorce is so hard. My heart goes out to you. I certainly got caught up in the 'if only' and 'I should have' and then I would flip to anger at him and myself. Then my crazy emotions subsided and the blues set in and then, later, forgiveness. I had to forgive him and myself. Not sure if that helps at all, so I'll end with good luck on your journey and thanks for posting.

Lance Fisher responded on August 4, 2008 I'm not even sure how I ended up here. Some link from my feed reader, but I really appreciate this article. Oddly enough, I find that reading it encourages me as I am starting a businesses. It's encouraging to know you haven't given up. This post is what blogging is all about. I haven't found many other places where this quote from Theodore Roosevelt was more appropriate: "It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." Best of luck with SmartNow.

julie responded on August 4, 2008 Lance, Thank you. What a wonderful quote.

Madalyn responded on August 4, 2008 Great article Julie!! Very inspirational.

julie responded on August 5, 2008 thank you.

Ivan responded on August 4, 2008 Julie, As inspiring as your article is, I found something else you are doing even more inspiring - you are responding to others! I originally read this article on the 1st of August and have kept it open in my browser, refreshing occasionally to see if you were still answering. And you are! All the way at the top again and still remember what its like at the bottom! Add Lesson 6 to the list: treat people as they want to be treated. My story reeks of the same 'perfect storm' of social and professional disaster scenario with the same subtle after shock effects of depression. And I made the same mistakes!! I am currently starting a business as well and am using all those lessons that I (and you) learned in my previous experience to regain a more stable success. Thank you so very kindly for your inspiring words and even more for your inspiring actions!

julie responded on August 5, 2008 Thank you.

nordraak responded on August 5, 2008 Wow Julie! This article was exactly what I needed to read. Unfortunately this has been a bit more of a difficult and/or ever-changing year as far as my career, relationships, life, etc. goes. Slowly I feel that I'm ready to turn the corner but something always drags me back. I'm definitely printing this out and keeping it within eyes distance at my workspace. You are a great inspiration to me! If you're ever in the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles I'd be honored to by you a drink!

julie responded on August 5, 2008 Thank you.

Keller responded on August 5, 2008 Wow! My husband forwarded me your post and I read it in awe. I know a thing or two about failure and remember the loss of one of my companies with still an uneasy pang. In reading your story, your voice came through with an unmistakable ring of hard won integrity to it. That tone tends to come when a hard-core, over-achiever has stared the nasty demon of failure straight in the eye and survived. I am inspired by you and all that you have accomplished. Kudos on an amazing journey!

julie responded on August 5, 2008 Thank you.

No Nicknames responded on August 5, 2008 Thanks for your story. For some following the traditional course works. In fact, for most people tradition works. But not for others. Am one of the others. And, I bite the hand that feeds me. When I tired of mainstream media Not covering Family Courts, the busiest court in the nation, I created www.FamilyLawCourts.com - and wound up educating myself that a family court judge is the most intrusive form of government we have. (Picture a judge telling you when you can parent, where and for how long. Same goes for schools and vacations.) And yet the public is scarcely aware. My normal job is making other people's lives easier. Founded www.EstablishedAttorneys.com so people could find the best attorneys in the shortest amount of time. Still small. But then, after working for attorneys over thirty plus years, I do know who they are, or how to find them. (It's all in the follow up.) I'm happy. Also realized it's about the public holding government accountable. To that end see www.USAjudges.com. We are the answer to our problems. Not Congress. Us. And that USAjudges.com empowers people to make government Transparent. Pretty cool, eh?

Tae responded on August 5, 2008 I wish I could post a comment as eloquent, thoughtful and courageous as your entry. We as a society are so obsessed with the "standard" definition of success - a title, corner office, six figure salary, big house with a white picket fence. To me, success means living the life you were meant to live, being the person you always wanted to be. That person isn't always the most attractive, the most intelligent, the one with the fanciest car, but that person is who you are and who you've grown to love. Success is what you make for yourself, and we all have different definitions. I hope more people define their own success and find their own path, instead of the one thrust in front of them by societal pressures or family etc. Julie, your story is incredible, not because of who you were but because of who you are now. That you would share it with the rest of us speaks volumes of your heart. Thank you.

julie responded on August 6, 2008 Thank you.

NeutralAngel responded on August 5, 2008 Julie, I thought your blog post was very moving and I wanted to say thank you. Your words are very inspirational and of the heart. Thank you.

julie responded on August 6, 2008 Thank you.

jodyreale responded on August 5, 2008 Julie, your post has rendered me speechless. And that's saying something, no pun intended. Thanks for this. Best, Jody

julie responded on August 6, 2008 Thank you, Jody.

anonymous responded on August 5, 2008 Thanks for your post, I'm personally going through a "If I am not my job, who am I?" phase. tbh, I've never heard of pets.com. You and Wil Wheaton should talk. His acting role left him stereotyped as Wesley Crusher to the world and hated universally by geeks. It took him a long time to work through that and not be identified as his role and instead as Wil Wheaton.

julie responded on August 6, 2008 Good luck to you and thanks for the post.

sharon responded on August 6, 2008 Julie, as a personal friend of yours for some 20 + years, I have been a witness to the many of the life-learning events you are calling "failures". I have also witnessed first hand your generosity and caring - those are the innate traits your critics never saw because they never looked beyond the superficial. How far you have come! You have chosen a public forum to reveal your most private pain. So I am going to use your public forum to tell you that not only are those leaving comments here proud of you, so are your friends.

julie responded on August 6, 2008 Thanks, Sharon.

pjc responded on August 6, 2008 The best way to face the enemy and make friends is face-on and headlong--so hurray for you! Everyone, everyone deserves a second chance and third and so on... for it is often on the foundation of truth that is sifted out of the ashes of failure that we attain our greatest dreams--where personal satisfaction and personal dignity mesh. Only one thought gave me pause and that was that you subconsciously pulled down your business and marriage for your growth. I don't think we grow through deliberate destruction of what we've worked so hard to achieve, but I do believe that out of human failure growth can come. Failure usually breaks our heart and a broken heart opens up our perspective to what success is really all about. I admire the hard work you have done to dig out of the trenches of depression. And I look forward to hearing an internet flurry over your new victories. May all you've learned hold you in good stead in the days ahead and may you experience a redemption of your good name.

julie responded on August 6, 2008 Thanks! I am overwhelmed that this article seems to have touched so many. Appreciate all.

Matthew S. Gosselin responded on August 7, 2008 This is one of the most honest blog posts I have ever read. Julie is a success story in every way shape and form yet this story is far from ending. Julie is a great example that recovery doesn't happen in a Hollywood style but instead takes time, thought, support, observation and sometimes even more heartbreak. Thank you so much for your courage in sharing this Julie! ~Matthew S. Gosselin, author of My Blue Goose

julie responded on August 8, 2008 Thanks for the note.

Bert responded on August 7, 2008 My son, Eric, sent this to me... saying I might enjoy it. Understatement! You are so much more than smart and pretty, Julie and its a shame you didn't get to the soul of who you are sooner. But that is a hard journey for all of us. Appreciate your honesty, even though I am _not_ a geek (ask my son!), I can appreciate what it must take to have accomplished all you have. More important, the life mistakes you note and the now-knowledge about them shine through. Universal for all of us, but, boy!, the getting to these truths as you hack through the mistakes is a dark forest and a difficult trip. But, isn't it nice to come out on the other side! All therapists/counselors ought to give out copies of this to their clients. A life plan is hard to make, no matter what age you are... MomBert

julie responded on August 8, 2008 Thanks, Bert!

Shanel Yang responded on August 7, 2008 Wonderful post full of useful information! I'm a new fan and will be posting about this article in the near future. Right now, I'm working on a series to help folks who might be in a similarly dark place as you were called "All About You!" at http://shanelyang.com/2008/07/18/all-about-you/ But, I'll have to interrupt that series to write about your post soon! : )

julie responded on August 8, 2008 Thank you.

digitalexecs responded on August 7, 2008 Wow Julie - This is so impactful on so many levels. As a professional recruiter who came through the dotcom.dotbomb era along with you, I saw many companies fail. I don't know why you are giving yourself a scarlet letter over Pets.com. If I were positioning you for another CEO role, here's my take: You were asked to come in to run a company that never existed to sell products via the Internet, a means that was barely adapted utilizing a new transaction method that many were hesitant to use. All of this during the most prolific burst of technological innovation and entrepreneurism this country has ever seen - in a feverishly competitive market. It was a revolution that has forever changed the world. And you were riding shotgun. You were simultaneously creating a marketplace, pushing consumer behavioral shifts on two fronts -buying habits and utilizing technology, while building a company from scratch. Now how could any of that experience be viewed as a negative? I was thrilled to have been part of the dotcom decade - it was fascinating, pioneering, exhilarating to be on the forefront of such a massive change. And you were there - you took a chance - you sought the challenge. I wouldn't back away from a thing! What I find most noble about this is your willingness to bare your soul. When the CEOs who ran eToys and DEN and Webvan and a myriad of others serve up a post as introspective and real as you just did, then maybe you'll realize just how brave and very ahead of the curve you really are. Now you're truly successful! Linda Nicolai

julie responded on August 8, 2008 Yes, we did lay the foundation for many innovations and it was exciting. Thanks for the note, Linda.

David Roche responded on August 8, 2008 Julie, what a great article. It's wonderful to have you emerge into my life with your wisdom. You are so articulate! You know we have two connections: first through the Magic Theatre, and my work there was a transformative experience for me. And now through my dear sister, Teresa. Serendipitous, synchronous, whatever...I loved reading your story and I can see that it has touched many other people. I hope you get a chance to tell it many times. Warmest regards, David Roche

julie responded on August 8, 2008 David, I just found out that Teresa--who I have known for over 30 years, is your sister. How could that be!? Thank you for the post. I was enthralled by your performance at Magic Theatre and just ordered your book, "The Church of 80% Sincerity". You, are an inspiration. Thank you for bringing your gifts out into the world. Warmly, Julie

Myggirl responded on August 10, 2008 Julie Your thoughts have driven me to add a comment - something I rarely do online. I think one of the mistakes that the parents of our generation made was not finding a way to help us understand that we are certain to fail at things in life. That we will do so, is not negotiable. It is as certain and absolute as anything can be, and moreover it is necessary to our growth as individuals in this world. For most of us, one or more of those failures are likely to be big...even huge, and all the self-confidence in the world may not be enough to keep us moving forward. Your public business failure and your marriage failure combined certainly rank up there in the top 5, and there are others in that group that your audience will no doubt be able to think of. I believe that many people struggle in times of failure because, in part, we feel like we're the only people on the planet in the position we're in. I have learned through personal experience that offering others the chance to benefit somehow from our mistakes is a healthy way to grieve, to move forward and to repay those who helped us get out of the muck and back on the road to happiness. Good for you for turning SmartNow into not only a business but also a human endeavour. I chose to write this because I am a divorced Dad who, with my ex-wife, is co-parenting a little girl with FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) up here in the Great White North....Canada to the uninitiated. Failures and struggles in life take many forms and I have replaced all of the hopes and dreams of my youth with a simple desire to see my daughter grow up to be independent and self-reliant. For kids with FASD this is not by ANY means a foregone conclusion. The odds against them - my daughter included - are staggering. There are days when I wonder how my life became what it is now. It certainly isn't where I intended to be, but after a great deal of reflection, I can say with confidence that it's where I'm supposed to be. My daughter sure thinks so. Perhaps in times of trial, that is the lesson for us all to remember. Take care and godspeed. Myggirl.

julie responded on August 11, 2008 Dear Mygirl, Thank you for sharing this powerful story. My best to you and your family. Warmly, Julie

Catherine Behan responded on August 11, 2008 Hi Julie and myggirl, I can really relate to this post. I also mistakenly thought that if you were good enough to everyone else that nothing bad would happen. Wrong. After creating the most beautiful vision boards imaginable and cheerfully repeating affirmations, imagine my shock at finding a full blown health crisis in front of me. I learned so much last year and am still learning. The most important lesson? That I am way stronger than I thought I was and that It is deep within me...what you say? Everything! Best of luck with smartnow. You are on to something! Catherine http://howtomakeyourmanperfect.wordpress.com

julie responded on August 11, 2008 Hi Catherine, Thank you and I wish you well. Julie

Michela responded on August 10, 2008 Dear Julie, Thank you for your courage to put into writing your experience and the insight you have gained. I can relate to each point you describe and appreciate your 'how-to' section. Michela

julie responded on August 11, 2008 Thanks, Michela.

Grace responded on August 13, 2008 Personal growth and reflection happens when we are in pain. It sounds like you have had your share of that and are on the upside of things. My son, also a go getter, has a blog site for personal growth. He is an avid reader and likes to pass help on. His site is www.lifeevolver.com. There are so many things we can learn about ourselves if we just stop being so busy and actually examine why we do what we do. At any rate I hope this site helps others. I appreciate your honesty that is always an attractive quality.

KarenTKim responded on August 14, 2008 Julie, The message of your journey reads like a biography that needs to be written out. Maybe I missed it - Are you planning a book? If not, you should. We everyday Americans (not Wall Street) love the stories of overcoming and never giving up, knowing that somehow tomorrow will be better. You are honest and not pretentious, which is the opposite of what we generally expect from someone with your early rise and success. Thank you for being human and as many have said, transparent. I'd add vulnerable -- again, thank you for taking that risk to share so simply from the heart. It is inspiring to hear your story, especially as I strive to succeed as an entreprenuer in promoting a new product I've developed, the Redema Ottoman Footrest currently sold at www.redema.us. It hasn't been an easy journey for this ESL teacher, but I have to say aside from the financial challenges, I absolutely love what I'm learning about how to serve others, i.e. "business." It is wonderful to see how you have expanded your reach to serve in a variety of ways.(I see you have an excellent health component, but nothing about ergonomics, yet. With all this blogging going on, I'd think more SmartNow readers and responders just might find a Redema useful to blog longer, as I just have.) Thanks again for making the distinction between success and failure, that it isn't "either/or" but "both/and." It is a journey! Karen Tinsley-Kim

Miss Bliss responded on August 27, 2008 This is such a brave post. Thank you for writing this on behalf of all of us who never try because we think failing will be the end of us. As it turns out, "failing" is sometimes just the beginning.

Portalgrrl responded on November 7, 2008 Julie: I am thankful for your honestly and it gives me great faith that I am making correct decisions now as I move a head with many obstacles in the way of success. Working for you was one of the best experiences of my life. You were not only friendly, kind and a brilliant CEO of BSI, You were encouraging and allowed people to make their mistakes and over come to be successful under you. You made comments to me that inspired me then over 10 years ago that still inspire me today. I have watched your career through out the years and as there have been bumps in the road, You aspire to be all you can be and that is contagious. I appreciate you, Your words and I will hold dear what you did for me and my ability to move a head and be all I can be!!! Thanks !

julie responded on November 8, 2008 Thank you for your generous and kind words.

persks responded on December 10, 2008 I absolutely love reading articles such as this. Your thoughts mirror mine precisely though our path to discovery is very different.I too have sunk low in life, my feeling being some of us have breakdowns but we are such doers we just keep going and don't really identify (or admit) them as such. Interesting that I too feel I learned to be very very responsible at a young age, never relying on pretty or looks I turned 46 on Sunday and am VERY ready for many new and exciting chapters in life. There is so much beauty in so many moments in life and often the most simplest.

julie responded on December 14, 2008 Happy Birthday to you. Thank you for the post.

gee responded on December 10, 2008 Just wanted to say thanks for this article, Julie. There's a lot in it that I relate to, and I appreciate it. gee

julie responded on December 14, 2008 Thank you for the post, gee.

Sherrell responded on December 30, 2008 Julie, For all these years, you have continued to amaze me with your wonderful way with words and insight. You were as endearing in college as you are today. It is amazing the paths we have taken. Very few have been easy. All of us seem to have seen challenges of one type or another. It's the journey that makes us strong. I'm proud to know you. And oh, so proud of you! Big hugs, sister Julie. Happy New Year 2009! Sherrell Bunton Welcker

julie responded on January 3, 2009 Thank you, Sherrell for the kind words. I wish you the best in 2009 and I'm so happy we reconnected. Warmly, Julie

goodHeart responded on January 1, 2009 Hello Julie, Wonderful empowering story, i would like to share you one of my insight. After the rain, there will be bright, after the night, there will be morning, so no matter how tough your experience are, it could not stay dark forever, just as the matter of how long you keeping it, luckily, there is the moon at night to guide you through the dark. Let your past be the moon to guide you through the dark days of your life. Painful experience are priceless, so embrace it everyone! So, another saying is, it's the matter of your mind, shift your mind, change your thinking pattern to positive, you will see good results. Don't prision your life within your ownself. Free it, shift your mind out side of your own prision/box. No matter how worst the situation is. Nothing to be ashamed about, we are human, we were not programmed to know everything or do everything correctly at first attempt. We learn from it, choice is not to do it again or anything related that will hurt us and other. So, think about the person who hurt us, are they perfect? I guess not! One day, they look at you, they may feel bad about what they did to you. Recommended author: John C Maxcell, Dale Carnegie, Recommended books: Battle Field of the Mind Happy New Year Julie! Be Happy!

julie responded on January 3, 2009 thank you, goodHeart.

dafle responded on January 11, 2009 Julie, I am glad you are back on your feet. Congratulation. We will welcome you here in Southwest, Florida if ever want to move to the Sunshine state. And if you do move to Florida let me, my company can use some help. Thanks

Startup Revival responded on March 6, 2009 What an honest assessment of failure and how it makes us stronger. I hope you don't mind, but I added this as a must read in My Resource section on my web site: http://www.startuprevival.com/index.php/resourcecenterarticle.html My hope is that more entrepreneur's will take this approach to share their experiences, so us future entrepreneurs can learn. Thanks for sharing....

julie responded on April 2, 2009 thank you.

Deanna responded on April 2, 2009 Julie, I have saved this article on my favorites and I read the article from time to time when I'm having a bad day at work. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I know that if a CEO of a company can overcome her past, that I can too.

julie responded on April 2, 2009 Thank you, Deanna. Good luck to you.

Biz responded on April 7, 2009 Clearly the reward for your blood, sweat and tears is in the here and now. You are a woman's woman, an inspiration and wiser than most of us would ever want to be. I don't know that there is a better depiction of success than that.

julie responded on April 12, 2009 Biz, Thank you for the kind comment.