In the world of relationships between two people, the one between hairstylist and client can be quite interesting. It’s a relationship that starts out as a business transaction: The hairstylists give you something, a service, a haircut, a new you. And you pay for it (monetarily).
But as time goes on this relationship changes; our relationships nearly always become intimate ones on some level. Let’s face it, we are touching you both physically and also bolstering your egos and self-image. We become friends and often confidants; we are undocumented therapists for quite a few of our clients. It’s amazing how quickly some will open up to their hairstylist: I’ve had a woman disclose that she hadn’t had an orgasm with her husband in years by the end of her first haircut with me.
So like I was saying, our relationships can become quite intimate. So when you’ve decided on a change, you feel like you are cheating on a friend, a lover of sorts and you feel guilty. Only you can control your guilt, but my advice to many new clients is: Don’t. Because what it all boils down to is that you are purchasing a product, and it’s up to you where you spend your money, right?
I have to admit as a stylist that, of course, this has happened to me. After a few weeks I’ve realized that so and so hasn’t been in and as time goes on, I understand that they are not coming back or I’ve seen them in another stylist's chair in my salon. Do I get a pang of rejection? Yes, of course I do, but I realize it’s business, and people have a choice and are allowed to change. I don’t own them or vice versa. I will always still say hello to them and sincerely wish them well; it’s not about my ego, and if your stylist’s ego allows this rejection to get in the way of being professional, then maybe he is not so professional and you’ve made the right choice.
Now, you who have been seeing the same stylist for a long time should have some sense as to your stylist’s personality; I know many hairstylists can have quite big egos. In the past I’ve had some people write me a “Dear John,” which though the rejection is there in black and white, at least I’ve got closure and a great respect for the person. Then there are some who just disappear, and I always wonder what happened — or they show up out of the blue several years later.
I understand that sometimes you need a change; change is good. Even so, that change could mean you get a bad haircut and end up going back to your old stylist. Of course, bear in mind that if you do go back, you may be considered a new client and charged the new client price — just an FYI.
Matthew Shields was attending Fashion College in England when at 16 he realized that hair styling was the natural extension of his creativity. At 21 he moved to the United States and has found great success. Fifteen years ago, he was discovered by international stylist Sally Hershberger, who developed his eye and honed his talents. His career includes working on movies and with actors such as Meg Ryan, Jane Fonda, Greg Kinnear, Ellen DeGeneres, Lisa Rinna among others. Send your questions to Matthew@smartnow.com.
