©2008 Beth Witrogen All Rights Reserved

At first, Ethelinn Block attributed her father’s odd behavior to depression over the loss of his wife, Beatrice, in 1995. But the strangeness persisted: Arthur would forget where he parked his car and how to pay bills. His lifelong photography business faltered because he neglected appointments and misplaced things. Still worse, when Ethelinn’s then-teen son, Nick, stopped by to visit, he often discovered his grandfather had no food in the house. He wouldn’t even get out of bed.

Those were the first signs, “but the word Alzheimer’s never came into the picture,” remembers Ethelinn, 51, of Mesa, Ariz. “Everyone forgets things, so we thought these were just normal signs of aging. Even his shrink told us it was depression. We kept thinking he would get better.” She and her younger brother, Brian, moved their father from the home he had shared with their mother into his own apartment.

But Arthur only got worse. So three years ago Ethelinn moved him into her home. Then she took him to the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale, Ariz., where the diagnosis came back as early-stage Alzheimer’s disease (AD). The truth was frightening: Although there was a name for Arthur’s change in personality and functioning, the road ahead was dark and unfamiliar.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, about 4 million Americans have AD, 19 million Americans report they have a family member with the disease, and 37 million say they know someone with the disease. It strikes one in 10 people over age 65, and one in two over age 85. It is estimated that by the year 2050, without a cure, some 14 million Americans will have the disease. People with AD live an average of eight years, and some as long as 20, with increasing needs for caregivers to help with the basic activities of daily living such as eating, bathing, dressing, exercising and grooming.

Although Ethelinn has three siblings, only Brian initially stepped forward to help. The stresses began to mount, even though she always sought to give her father the best possible care.

“Not only was it draining emotionally, it drained me financially,” Ethelinn says of her early caregiving. She cut back work from three to two days a week, but still needed to hire in-home health aides, at $11 an hour. She began to burn out from the nonstop responsibilities, developing stress-related jaw, elbow and knee problems.

“I was out of my mind,” Ethelinn says -- angry at her mother for dying, at her father for getting Alzheimer’s. “One day I decided I couldn’t take anymore. I couldn’t afford my house and was feeling isolated in my caregiving. So six months ago I sold the house and moved near two of my siblings. It has made all the difference: I get more help and my father is closer to his nine grandchildren.”

Ethelinn also found “an angel” through the janitor at the school where she teaches children with learning disabilities. The aide takes Arthur with her everywhere and even gives him baths. “She has rejuvenated him-- he thinks she is his girlfriend!” Ethelinn says

Today Ethelinn manages her father’s medications, toasts his bagels just the way he likes them, and even comforts him in the wee hours when he cannot sleep. Arthur, 78, is involved in family activities from art and horse shows to soccer games. He loves basketball, and goes to Phoenix Suns games with Nick, who is his best friend. Arthur also has a set of household chores that are his alone.

“At first I was upset because this should have been a time in my life with my son -- he got the worst of my wrath,” says Ethelinn. “But there are so many positives in having my father with us. He is safe and comfortable. He is surrounded by his books and portraits of my mother. He whistles, he laughs, he feels loved and respected.”

Although Ethelinn knows AD will eventually take her father away, she trusts that caring for him has strengthened her to handle difficult times.

“My father was there for me in college, through my divorce, and is always there for my son, who is learning patience, compassion and acceptance. He is appreciative of everything we do -- even my cooking! I know this is the least I can do for him. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

This article originally appeared in Family Circle magazine.

Beth Witrogen (www.witrogen.com), a double Pulitzer Prize nominated writer, was most recently recognized for her book, “Caregiving: The Spiritual Journey of Love, Loss, and Renewal,” a uniquely inspired blend of advice based on personal growth and spiritually profound wisdom. A former newspaper journalist, she has written for magazines including Good Housekeeping, Self, and Family Circle and online sites such as WebMD, Consumer Health Interactive, and ThirdAge.com. She is currently at work on a book about women's renewal and sexuality at midlife. Ms. Witrogen resides in Northern California, and pursues her other passion as a professional photographer (www.witrogenphoto.com) and rock climbing. Send your questions to Beth@smartnow.com.