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If you are a happy, single woman, chances are you have a network of friends. You have not just one best friend, but several, and some them probably know each other well. As families become smaller and more dispersed, these types of confirming friendship also play an increasingly important role in the lives of married or coupled women.

Sustaining a network of friendships means having multiple resources to satisfy your human needs -  companionship, intimacy, intellectual, fun, travel, holiday socializing, help, and care. 

Most friends are not lovers, so single women are finding new ways to separate sex from love and friendship. For some, it means having more than one person to satisfy you sexually; for others, it may mean having one person (or yourself) for sexual satisfaction, and many others who care for you in all other respects.

And yet, maintaining a friendship network takes skills and work. I'll share with you what I've learned from my own experience and from research:

• Single women must reach out and cultivate friends, and not just sit back and wait to be called. 
• Single women need to organize parties, outings and holiday meals. They should not expect couples or someone with a larger house to do it. 
• Single women must try to be generous and reciprocal. Narcissists find it hard to make and keep friends.
• Single women must introduce their friends to each other. They should be pleased, not jealous, when those in their friends network develop separate relationships. Trust that these bonds will enhance, not undermine, existing connections.
• Gossip is inevitable, but single women must try to focus on caring and concern, and dampen competitiveness and hostility.
• Within a network of friends, single women can choose to relate to any one person in ways that maximize compatibility and minimize clashes.
• Single women often have less ability to socialize spontaneously. One of my married friends jokes that her single friends have the busiest schedules; to see them, she has to make a date far in advance.

As more single women rely on friends for the love and care that a partner or family members once provided, they must be aware that conflicts will arise between friends. People express surprise when I tell them that I have been in therapy four times with friends over the past thirty years. Only once did psychological counseling save the friendship. Another time, the termination of a friendship tore apart my friends network, in a manner that was as wrenching as divorce.

While each breakup was a loss, the benefit of having many friends meant I was never bereft. Yet, family and friends didn't necessarily provide the emotional support that they may have were I beaking up with a romantic partner. I predict that as my experience becomes more common, we will see the rise of new therapeutic practices and creation of laws about friendship.

My parting advice to single women: Look for a partner if that is what you want, but never neglect your friends. Some of them will always be there for you.

Sociologist Kay Trimberger (www.kaytrimberger.com) is the author of "The New Single Woman." She earned her PhD in sociology at the University of Chicago. Dr. Trimberger has taught at various universities around the country including Columbia University, Barnard College, Queens College, UC-Berkeley and UC-Santa Barbara. She is professor emerita of women's and gender studies at Sonoma State and visiting scholar for the study of social change at UC-Berkeley. Dr. Trimberger lives with her adopted son in Northern California. Send your questions to Kay@smartnow.com.